| Purrfectinsanity-Turn It Up- | ||||
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Friday, April 30, 2004 these few weeks are gonna b dreary.... exams are here! n guess wad? i haven even studied a thing. seriously. it'll take a miracle for me to pass overall.. i hope i do.. *juzprayjuzpray*...then my dad'll prob trust me more? bleagh. he's pickin me up soon... sigh. cant go for bible study. i'm stuck at home n everyone is in church now.. i dread e weekends. cuz i cant go out w my frens... i cant go clubbing!! i reallay miss e partaye scene.. aft this yr i'll prob b movin in w me dad permanantly. i dunno how i'm gonna survive!! i juz need to club... my butt is itching.. i need to shake some booty!u noe... on tuesday we had to submit a compo on "my life story". we had to imagine tt we were dead and write a recount of our lives for others to read... so i said: after my o levels, i moved out on my own, worked to pay my poly/uni fees and eventually graduated with an Honours in Accounts...landed a good job, got a good husband, had two kids (older boy, younger girl), and migrated with my husband to New Zealand where u'll find greenest grass and the clearest sea...(after my children grew up and we became grandparents)... and lived happily ever after. wow. that's wad i really wish for... but then, it'd take lotsa sweat, blood, tears and some "miracle dust" to make it come true. how unrealistic. had my English mid-yr today... God really helped me. There was this qn tt a lot of ppl couldn understand, and i was one of e blessed ones... i was juz staring at e sentence over and over again, n out of e blue, i juz understood it! if that's not e Holy Spirit, i dunno wad u'd call it... guess i'll do ok... maybe a C5? heh heh...with God, it IS possible! Amen! did crunches todae.. finallay, im gettin my motivation back to exercise! whoohoo.. soon ill b able to fit into my clothes again!! i went from 48kg to 56kg (at 164cm) in juz three yrs k! n im ashamed of tt... maybe my boobs are heavy? *oopZ* dad wants me to go work in June. "I want you to know how tough it is to earn your keep" ... grrr... hello!! it's 'O' LEVELs!! Unreasonable piece of shit. anyway, i tink i shld work.. i need to earn $ to buy all e stuff on my wishlist... going to Kiliney Kopitiam tmr as usual... my paternal granny (e one i live with is my maternal granny) and uncle (e one i live with is my maternal uncle) are joining us tmr... grrr.... *DrEaDzZ* there's Teenzeal this Sunday!! whoohoo!! i missed everyone! o, i told MOH to KIV my application cuz i figured i need to use all e time i can to catch up on my studies... *wisedecision,Sarah* i've got a few scars and scratches on my legs now *ShRiEkSandCrIeS*... played soccer on Wed durin PE... i'm always either tripping or getting kicked on my shin during soccer... grrr.... i pray e scars wil go away... pls dun ruin my flawless legs... =| currently missing: -my mummy -my mama (grandma) -clubbing (R&B) -my friends (apart from Teenzealtowners) CLIFF: brudder... thnx sooo much for alwaez comfortin me n hearin me out.... i'll learn to take things in my stride and let God take care of my affairs... i'll b strong... U have one damn strong sister here!! heeZ *LoVeLoVe* SLOTH*DIDI: heyz didi!! u're oh-so-sweet! heez thnx for e lovelaye shoutouts manx... ilu [in christ] i'm gonna blog like once a week now... needa MUG MUG MUG!! cheerio! +lostwithoutyourlove.withoutyourtouch.youleftmebroken.undone+
Monday, April 26, 2004 had a so-so weekend. skipped bible study on Fri AGAIN. why? cuz my stoopid dad saes i gotta catch up on my studies. wad an irony. i didn even study e whole week AT ALL. did my English oral prelims on sat... e examiner kept sayin "good,good".... wonder if she meant it. for once in my life, i couldn pronounce my English words properly. wad a loser. went to Kiliney Kopitiam aft tt... and of course, to my fave ang-moh-nised NTUC!! whoohoo! finally found my Reese Peanut Butter cups!!($7) and my choc chip cookie cereal!!($10) and Mcvities' shortbread($3).... yea n my dad scolded me. "u're not gonna buy anymore chocolates u hear? all e stuff u pick r so ex! n u wanted to lose weight rite? n its bad for health...." blah blah blah...dude, i dun care. went to Heartland Mall for dinner. wow... my dad told me we shld get outta e hse to unwind. after dinner, he n i split up to shop for our own stuff... i bought a new skirt... and he bought a prezzie for baby Megan!! Sunday was Megan's 1st mth partaye!! she's my cousin's daughter. i'm an aunt already. gettin old. tsktsk. newaez, i forgot to bring my hp out tt nite... my dad told me he'd b waitin in e car for me downstairs first... that was at 8.30pm... guess wad? i shopped til' 9.30pm n i totallaye forgot bout him!! when i rushed downstairs he'd left alr... so i took e MRT home... he'd juz reached home 5 mins b4 me n he was like kinda worried for me.. haha. it's kinda ironic tt he cant stand me but he's worried for me. wth. Sunday HOW had caregrp meetin... Talked to this sec 1 rugby guy fr Barker(cant rem his name)... cant believe Barker lost to SJI in e Nationals!! "L".... hurhur.... then my dad came to pick me aft lunch n we went to Megan's partaye!! she's simply adorable... mymy. e beauty of a new-born is juz beyond words... my uncle was juz carrying her n juz softly starin at her n admiring her. tink he cried abit... *awww* had a nice time w me cousins...its been awhile since we last met.... o, my stepmum is back. hate her. she's alwaez complainin bout me. n she wans to sell e car juz cuz im alwaez late. insane bitch. hey, wait, INSANE is me. better not insult myself. MAD is a better word to describe her. Lareina n i are gettin closer. we can really click manx. I love her to bits... :.Insanity is juz.... purrfect.:
Friday, April 23, 2004 this world to me seems reali cold. without money, u cant survive. without status, u're neglected. make one silly mistake and u're condemned.why cant we exercise more forgiveness, love, faith and trust? more empathy too. That's why, i say... I reali thank God for faithful, loving, forgiving and understanding frens in TZT who trust me so much. Thnak you, my SwEeTiEZ, for making this cold, dark world seem so much brighter n warmer. Whipped up "Bacon Carbonara" last nite for my dad n i... dinner is so quiet without anyone around. My stepmum wld've complimented on my cookin... My dad appreciated my effort, but he doesn like rich, cheesy, ang-moh food. i spent 1 and a 1/2 hrs cookin k... i started at 5.45pm, finished cookin, clearin up and servin at 7.10 pm. First, i chopped e button mushrooms, bacon and chicken-vegetable white ham. Next,i fried e bacon n ham. My dad was complaining tt e kitchen wld get oily (they dun usually cook).. Then, i boiled e pasta (shells)... Lastly, i stir-fried e Alfredo mix with butter, milk and i dumped e bacon, ham n mushroom into e mixture. Then i laid e table, cleaned up wadeva pots, pans n utensils i cld first, wiped e stove n walls and so there. Done. And... We took just 20 mins to finish up everything. Now I noe how my granny feels everyday when she cooks dinner... sheer labour. But i enjoy cooking!! haha i miss my granny... she'll b back on Sunday nite!! cant wait ta c her on Mon!! Had choc-peanut butter Swensen's ice-cream last nite. Swensen's standard has dropped. Went to NTUC to shop for e groceries ystday.. i've got this choco-peanut butter addiction now... Bought a pck of peanut butter filled chocs ystday, tt tub of ice- cream n tmr i think im goin to Kiliney Kopitiam for b'fast n drag my dad to e westernised-NTUC to get more Chocolatey, sinful stuff. grr... my addiktion is back... I just realised tt if i were to move out aft my 'O's, its gonna b too tough.. money-wise... and i'd have to do damn well in my 'O's so tt i can tell my mum to let me b on my own.. She'll take me to London to club n shop, n get me a laptop if i do desirably in my 'O's. stress stress. i'm not allowed to go for bible study til' exams are over... theres caregrp this wk...pray i can go.. and i'm gonna have to miss Sat Nite Fever. wad a fucker my dad is. we've been quarelling at least once everyday. intolerable stick up my arse. i miss my sexaye. i miss my other half. i miss my didi*sLoTh. i miss my PrInCeSs LaLa. i miss my Chocolate Muffin. i miss my bugger. i miss e HOWers. i miss CREW. BIG Shoutout To All my Beloved SwEeTiEzZ: I'm so busy now. We all are, esp e sec 4s n 5s. I might not b able to meet or talk to u guyz as often as b4, until e 'O's are over. Some of us might drift apart. And i reali mis u guyz.. But thnx for alwaez supportin me when i fall.. when trouble gets me down... *Cliff,Joy,Imm,Sarah,Becky,Teachers*..too many to name. But one thing i noe's for sure, I'll alwaez b a part of u guyz n u guys wil ALWAEZ b a part of me. Christ is Lord of our Friendships... Inseparable, Unbreakable bonds, too stable to b shaken. You all have been a blessing in my life... and i AppreCiate You. Friends Forever, aha? U bet!! My day has lost its sunshine My night has lost its stars Only ur prescence can bring e moonlight And shine the light back into my heart.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004 my dad is pissin e hell outta me. i have no mood to talk. no mood to eat. bleagh. FUCK THAT PIECE OF SHIT.oops.vulgarities. but, wad m i to do? too FUCKIN damn pissed off by him. control freak asshole. i hope i'll b able to move out aft my 'O's. cant take it no more. cant stand him. Get a life, MOTHERFUCKER.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004 so many things on my wishlist. so lil' cash. gotta ask my mum for help..i miss all my frens. i need them to cheer me up now. bad bad day. ponned sch again. only some of u wil noe y. bad bad quarrel w my dad. at home now. gonna stae w my dad this whole wk. granny's gonna b outta spore n so is my stepmum. alone in e hse w my dad? not a gd idea. we'll c how things go. gtg call him to fetch me now. wish me all e best.
Monday, April 19, 2004 ok...my legs are aching... e consequences of being lazy n forgoing regular exercise... ran 2.4km on sat... Gina took timing for me...actually i wanted her to cheat for me and write down 15+ mins... but she didn have to cuz i got a timing of 15mins 49 secs... k reali lousy but its not bad for a gal hu hasnt ran such a distance in so long..durin e last two rounds i was prayin in tongues askin God for grace to sustain me manx...i was so tempted to juz walk e rest of e distance.. but i didn wanna malu myself in front of all e athletes hu were present, nor did i wanna fail n redo it so yea..*congratssarah*claphandsandstandingovulation* haha.. after tt my dad picked me up n i sent Cheryl to sch.. for Social Studies workshop.. i lied to my dad tt it was juz remedial n i didn go.. now e teachers wan a letter of excuse n i m dead... newaez my dad, stepmum n i went to Kiliney Kopitiam @ Somerset *efoodrawkz* n had nasi lemak, chicken curry n kaya+gu-u (kaya+butter) bread... n iced barley... was so hot n hungry... so grateful for e food haha... then went to this NTUC near River Valley Rd... its so diff fr other NTUCs cuz its westernised, n they sell a wide variety of western brands of cereal, chips, cookies, savoury n sweet pastries etc.. i'm goin there to get provision nx time manx.. i bought Irish Cream sticks, Twix choc biscuits, oreos n coco crunch...*yummy* -piggyfied-... then i went hm n took a bath, did e laundry, ironed my clothes, changed n went to M.O.H orientation.. i was alone but luckily i met Princess Sarah (thats her real name)... fell aslp durin e first part of e briefing*malu*... then they split us up into grps for "ice-breaking", n Cliff's dad and Jeremy's mum were our group's leaders... i found out hu they were thru Sarah_my other half... found out tt alotta Teenzealer's parents are servin in M.O.H(ministry of helps) in New Creation Church... so blessed. i wan my dad to serve there too.. sigh *juzprayjuzpray* newaez my grp ppl were mostly mid-aged, e only young one (i was e youngest) was Seth Chan('bout 20-22 yrs old??) ... this guy hu's not bad lookin (heehee) n tall n gettin out of e army soon n goin to NUS... wow.. but funny thing is, we played this crossword puzzle game n he couldn spell.. literally... *sheesh* As usual, Sunday i went to church-Teenzeal*praise God*.. reali felt refreshed manx... had a fight w my dad on sat nite... blah... i wore this translucent black top n a miniskirt n some ppl commented... i missed 3rd service cuz i had to get hm aft Teenzeal... my dad lahz hu else.. so horrible k cuz when i got home dad scolded me n we fought like violently... stupid shit asshole. grrr... he scolded me for wakin up late this morn too... gonna c him lata... hope he's cooled down... God will take charge lahz, yea? *juzprayjuzpray* shoutouts: Sarah_myotherhalf: babe...thnx for juz being urself n bein my fren..glad ta c u happier..dun worry bout him k...juz fix ur eyes on Jesus...u'll get sum1 1000X betta!!amen!u n i r so busy...but Daddy's grace wil sustain us n our frenship wil only get better...ilu. Immanuel_Sloth: lil' brudder...ur sista is alwaez here 4 ya if u need to talk(better get ur number nx wk)... juz b strong, n remember tt when God closes a door, he opens a window, so if u cant go for camp in June, He'll let u go somewhere 1000X better k? *LoVeLoVe Joy_mySexaye: heyz sexaye babaye... thnx for e encouragement last nite on sms... it reali calmed me down n picked my fallen spirit up... i'll b strong n determined... n learn to have self-control...cuz i have Daddy in me...amen haha... thank god for ya!! nv ever thot we wld b this close at all... this frenship will grow til' its too close yea? frens 4-eva... XOXO TZT Leaders n Teachers: dunno if u all wil c this but i reali thank God for every single one of u... u guyz reali encourage me n r alwaez there when i need u guyz... thnx for keepin my faith when it was gone... thnx for leavin ur deep footprints in my life+heart...*HuGz* Princess Sarah: heyz babe... well i hope u c this.. i'm behind u all e wae ya noe? anytime ya need to talk or ya need encouragement i'm here yea? i'm walkin with ya towards ya dreams!! so is Daddy... Faith conquers all things! =] Dion_cradle snatcher: u meanie!! cant u juz develop e photos for me? i wan everyone's face for memory sake wad!! ya lahz i tink ur reali cute kk? so thats y i wan e pics!! i'm gonna bug u til' I GET E PHOTOS. period. hee hee =x i'm reali gonna start revising fr todae. no excuses Sarah. juz GET UR BUTT DOWN TO IT. Mummy's gonna take me to watch Saturday Night Fever!! whoohoo!! cant wait.. better go call Sistic later... cheerio. why do we fall in love when love'll only tear us apart back then e world was ours everything was so rite... But we were kissin' with our eyes closed so tight So young n feelin' so right Never thought that we could do wrong O we were kissin' with our eyes closed so tight So young n feelin' so right I cant believe that those days are gone... +i'mstillmissingu...somethings'llneverchange+
Friday, April 16, 2004 haha at cheryl's hse now.. goin to my dads hse tonite.. he wun b home til like 5 plus.. i was stranded so juz come to cheryl's house.. goin home to scan e photos i borrowed fr her... my last b'dae.... they turned out reali well!! haha...see lahz. quarelled w my dad again. over wad? cash? too many things to buy? haiz. when m i ever gonna let go of my concerns n let god take charge... sigh.. o i didn change e lens of ma specs aft all. my eyesight is stil e same... n cuz we quarelled(dad n i), i didn get to but my toiletries n my food...grrr... as usual, i'm reali sticky n stinky now... e weather suckz. cant wait for tmr n sundae... goin for MOH orientation for stewards... skippin Social Studies workshop tmr morn... but i gotta get up damn early to go to Nanyang JC to run my 2.4km... o!! cheryl juz said she's runnin tmr too!! hi-5!! haha... wad?! gotta b there at 7 am? grrr.... looks like both of us missed e run last sat so we gotta go this week... n on sundae, i can meet all ma hunkZ n bAbeS in church!! doubt ill b goin for 3rd svc after TZT... dad's e prob.. grrr... okie cheryl's reali sleepy.. shes gonna go to slumberland n abandon me... cheerio. +there'snobodyelseinthisworldttcldluvu.anymorethanido.alwaezhereforYOU+
Thursday, April 15, 2004 waiting for my dad....bored. maybe thats y ppl blog... haha.gonna change e lens of my specs. my astigmatism is reali bad.i need to wear glasses permanantly now i suppose. i wan coloured contacts... but dad thinks contacts ruin ur eyes. yea, there's some truth in that actuali. but i promise i'll clean em religiously !! haha.. i wan new specs too... a plastic frame. i tried on dark blue rectangular ones that dae. they make me look more matured.. like some school teacher. hmmm....wad else do i need? o yes, coco crunch, granola bars, a new diary...christian CDs n hair conditioner. wow. dads gonna freak. he saes i'm too high maintainance. not to mention my high fone bills. n clothes n shoes n bags n e list goes on... juz cuz my stepmum doesn dress up or anything doesn mean i have to be as simple as her... after all, i'm e sophisticated...sexaye...charming Sarah Kh......ok. better not say anymore. juz kiddin manx... i dun have skin that's so thick. as usual, e humidity in Spore is horrendous. o wells. better b going.... dads alwaez complaining bout my "punctuality". but then again, when does he not ever complain bout me? shoutouts: Joy: babe... b strong k? parents are sucky most of e time. so we juz gotta noe how to deal w em...all e best in everything u do... ilu babe... Immanuel: heyz dude this is ur very own shoutout!! haha... aint it sweet? heehee juz wanna sae i miss ur crappiness!! *pinchescheeks* haha love u bro... god bless n c ya!!*HuGz* there's a light in my eyes it's too bright to see and a pain in my heart where u used to be was i wrong to assume that u were waiting there for me there's a light in ur eyes +did u leave that light burning for me...+
Wednesday, April 14, 2004 its so bloody hot. grrr...had assembly todae. a concert was put up by e ASEAN scholars...wasn as bad as i expected it to turn out, juz tt it was damn stuffy n smelly in e hall... IJ TP's so miserly... cant we juz get an air-conditioned hall? found out tt e Vietnamese scholars stae at e Barker hostels!! whoohoo so damn cool...wish i could too!! hur hur....my accounts test todae sucked. i couldn balance my trading n profit n loss a/c, n my balance sheet was incomplete.damn.to think tt it's my best subject.dad's gonna kill me. tsktsk. complacency is a big mistake. whoohoo played soccer during PE!! so long nv kick ball ready haha!!(pun unintended)... hu says gals cant kick balls??(pun intended) heehee i'm not bad ok...take me on manx haha!!(sigh..complacency again..) stupid Sam Tay. was supposed to accompany me to spotlight ystdae. pang seh me last minute. grrr. biatch. watched chinese serials on ch8 e whole of last nite. didn even touch e books i brought home to "study"..tsk tsk. i need discipline manx!! newaez, i wonder y all e drama serials have some love story in them... too romantic to b true... sigh... the feelin of Love is so so blissful.. as Nikko_my puppy alwaez says, "some dae my prince will come...he juz took a wrong turn n got lost...but i noe he will find me one dae..." o, i LURVE e "Blue" by Ralph Lauren advert!! e gal featured is soooo sexaye... deep blue eyes..taut, bronzed body... that's it. i'm gonna DISCIPLINE myself fr todae onwards.. gonna crunch everydae when i get home. i need to tone up my tummy n get back into my original shape. sigh.. n of course, control my diet. but no, i wun give up chocolates... oopz. wad a sin. baby...do u reali wan me to go so honey why dun u beg me to stay for love and talk e way we used to talk til' we both know wad we've lost never said e words we did before til' it was over Love ain't here anymore No,no Love ain't here anymore It's gone away To that town called yesterday Love dun live here anymore +Loveain'thereanymore.wheredidwego.iwonder+
Monday, April 12, 2004 contemplating whether to put up pics... so leychey lahz... wait til i get a webbie... steph's gonna help me do up one in June.. HOLS.... i cant wait.Yesterday... it was Easter Sunday... i gave out Bunny eggs in church... n i'm sure all my sweeties enjoyed it... there was caramel, fudge and peanut butter to choose from... i managed to get hold of one peanut butter!! haha.. sum1 actually gave me a fudge one..it was e last one in e box..left it in a corner.. but when i was going to take e egg outta e box, it was GONE!! Must have been e Easter Bunny who stole it!! haha rite, Becky?? anywaez, Jeremy didn wan his egg so i took it.. e peanut butter chocolate RAWKZ.. ok ok, gettin fat already.. i wasn supposed to go for 3rd, but my dad broke his promise n didn come to church.. so i juz REBELLED. bad bad gal. n i'm glad i went, cuz i was so touched by His prescence in my life.. my eyes, nose n lips were like red fr crying.. n then after worship everyone fell aslp.. sigh i need discipline.. i'm gonna try to start QT every morning b4 my dad fetches me to sch..*juzprayjuzpray* newaez i juz got home. had chinese prelims todae. SUCKED BIG TIME. e compo was hard as rock. n i didn study enuf, so i left e han yu pin yin qns blank. e compre killed me. thank god i'm stil alive. planned a timetable last nite w e help of my stepmum. i'm supposed to do my TYS everyday..until my 'O's arrive. i dread major exams. i will NEVER go to JC.. Poly's my ONLY choice... Future Accountant. *amenamen* walked with Teacher Zu Ming, Jack n some springfield sec. sch guy to e MRT ystdae. crapped so much... haha some shoutouts: Teacher Zu Ming: doubt u'll ever see this but anywaez, thnx 4 being there everytime manx... so pesky rite haha... i'll continue to trust Him n i will try to resist CLUBBING... haha =) Becky,Joy and the gals of CREW: heyz babes...stae pweety n sassay k? u guyz complete my world.. dunno wad i'd do w/o frens like u!! i'm alwaez here 4 u galz... *muah* Joel,Jeremy n the guyz of CREW: haha u all so cute lahz so cute lahz haha!! anywaez i'm here 4 u guyz too! we are winners in Christ! *huGzZ* Zhen and Cheryl: thnx 4 all e gd advice n support... the leaders in TZT RAWK lahz.. nothin more to sae.. Love u guyz !! Sarah_my other half: babe... no matter wad others sae... no matter wad they think... they can't bring us down cuz we have Daddy... we are strong sexaye sassay beeuuutifull babes of Christ... dun feel sorry... feel proud cuz THEY can NEVER b u... u are a blessing to my life... +weareone+ All my other SwEEtIeZ: itz been grrrrreat knowing u guyz... whether itz juz a hi-bye frenship, or a closer one... u nv fail to brighten my dae... +ilu+ in a twist of separation u excelled at being free cant u find a little room inside for me got a fist of pure emotions gt a head of shattered dreams gotta leave it gotta leave it all behind now whatever i said whatever i did i didn mean it i juz want u back for good whatever i'm wrong juz tell me the song and i'll sing it it'll be rite n understood i want u back for good and we'll be together this time, it's forever we'll be united n forever we will be so complete in our love we will never be uncovered again [ijuzwantyouback...forgood]
Saturday, April 10, 2004 FRIDAY-good friday.stayed at home alone w my dad. i m surprised we can chat.... w/o quarelling.. went to pick my stepmum fr e airport... she juz got back fr Bangkok...she bought me Baileys!! Yummy!! SATURDAY- here i am, at my granny's hse....utterly bored...had a good dinner.. fish n chips... n lotsa beef... feelin slightly sick. -Charlie's corner @ Changi Village rawkz- studied like shit for my chinese prelims on Mondae... so dead. i told my dad i'm gonna flung e prelims, but i'll do well for e 'O's. *juzprayjuzpray* i'm startin to feel like a caged bird again. my dad intrudes my privacy. was writin a card for Cliff todae. he thot it was a loveletter. wtf. i feel lik i'm forced to wear a mask whenever i'm with my dad. the real Sarah Khor is a semi-delinquent. the real me loves to club. loves to partaye fr e young nite into e wee hrs of e morning. loves to gallavant. get her butt down to town every weekend n juz hangout w her frens. sit at a cafe n juz laugh away w her sWeEtIeZ...leave e hse as n when she likes. stayover a her frens places -SlUmBeRpArTiEs- .....write stoopid loveletters to her crushes... listen n singalong to sappy love songs... unfortunately, her f***ed up father DOES NOT approve of such RIDICULOUS behaviour. dang.i really really really miss HIM. i could cry ten buckets full. n listening to sappy love songs all day didn help. gonna introduce Teenzeal frens to dad tmr. *Lordpleaseletitworkout* hope my dad doesn have anything bad to say bout em. better log off b4 my dad starts nagging. Incessant nagging tt i cant stand. baby, morning's just a moment away and i'm w/o u once again u laugh at me u say u nv needed me i wonder if u need me now so many dreams that flew away so many words we didn say 2 ppl lost in e storm where did we go where'd we go we lost wad we both had found u noe we let each other down but then most of all i do love u... STILL.
Thursday, April 08, 2004 Had stations of the cross todae... though i'm not a catholic n not familiar w catholic doctrines n ceremonies... but i'm in a catholic sch... n i rather go for cathecism than go with e non-catholics to e canteen to read a book(boring).....every thurs-1st period is cathecism/reading for non-catholics.sumtimes its boring, sometimes its interesting. but todae it was sad. todae is Mondy Thursdae(is tt how u spell it?) it's supposed to b e dae Jesus was crucified(or tortured?)... anyhow, we had to kneel, stand, kneel, stand while reciting/singing e verses...it was reali sad cuz Jesus's death was so brutal. i still cant help but cringe at e memory of e movie, Passion. Too bloody. Too gruesome. my knees hurt. but i didn complain cuz i realized sth... wad He went thru for Us is more than anyone can ever go thru. I shldn b afraid of death cuz at least i noe when i die, i'll go straight to Heaven n be with my Lord. I wldn have to go thru so much pain, wounds, blood n sufferings b4 i reach my final destiny. but ppl r juz so cold out there in e real world. n many of us arent aware tt our actions here on Earth wil determine the consequences we have to face ltr on in life. Grace exists, but it only comes with the willingness to repent n truly let go of wadeva we're holding on to-anger,hurt,vengeance.... N sacrifices r meant to b made with all ur heart... not might... not for e sake of doing so... so, i have decided to make sacrifices this yr. Juz b a goody good gurl, build a gd relationship w my dad, n study REALLY hard n get awesome results. Then maybe life'll get better. n at least i can stand tall w my chin up, n sae "heyz, i did it! i proved all my persecuters wrong!" so there. still feelin crappy cuz of him. sigh... guyz r realli problematic when it comes to relationships... rite gals?*but i stil love u guys out there!-my sweet frenZ* talked to sarah last nite. +thnx sweetie for alwaez being there...dunno wad i'd do w/o my other half! weareone*ilu+ this world this world is cold but u dun u dun have to go ure feelin sad ure feelin lonely n no one seems to care ur mother's gone n ur father hits u this pain u cannot bear but we all bleed the same wae as u do n we all have e same things to go thru hold on if u feel like letting go hold on it gets better than ya noe ur days u say they're wae too long n ur nights u cant slp at all hold on n ure not quite sure wad ure waiting for but u dun want to no more n ure not quite sure wad ure searching for but u dun want to no more but we all bleed e same wae as u do n we all have e same things to go thru hold on if u feel like lettin go hold on it gets better than u noe my dad.he juz got back fr thailand ystdae.ok,ok.i noe...he n my stepmum r reali nice...bought me shoes/bag/clothes.... BUT he left me alone this whole week to take e dreary bus to sch. "can i request that u go to sch on ur own this week? i'm tired"..... grrr so heartless. i guess as u age u need more rest. or is he being lazy? (in the genes hee hee)... sigh. i'm heartbroken. HE left me w a scar. n i'm still healing fr e wound he caused... laters.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004 had chinese oral.... i'm so screwed... read e passage like i'm some "AngMoh"... foreign to the language....n to think tt it was actually chicken feet... i nv touched my handbook tts y i nv saw e wordz...tts y i couldn read em?!!my dads back in spore already i suppose... grrr.... hope we wun have ta fight again... its gonna rain.e sky's so grey. how depressing.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004 rite..... damn irritated... juz read someone's blog n it reminded me of HIM.i'd just like to say: I DUN GIVE A BLOODY DAMN SHIT ABOUT B-----N. Those of u who're from Teenzeal, u shld noe hu i'm tokin bout. N if u dun, dun bother to ask cuz it's OLD SHIT. I mean, those of u hu tink i'm still into him... get a life will'ya? cuz i can't stand it. I've got other hunks ta oggle at. i hate myself.hate myself. hate myself. stupid Sarah. why were u so foolish to fall for him?? God... can't believe me... n to tink tt i was ready to go all out of my way just to get him. Desperate situation. Really. i'm so embarrassed. n everything juz had to end up horribly... making me even more embarrassed. I juz pray tt e day wun come.... when i stop goin to Teenzeal. I mean, i dunno where to hide my face. But ya noe wad? if i stop goin to church, He'd prob have more things to sae n he'd despise me more... look upon me asa coward. and i ain't gonna let tt happen. i mean we all make mistakes (esp terrifically silly ones)... we all fall.... n when we get hurt, that's when we grow... to be more mature. more aware. To those of u who're laughing or having something to say, i only have two words for you. FUCK OFF. u have no rite to mock me. before u say someone is ugly (inside n outside), take a BIG, CLOSE look at urself. R u really that BEAUTIFUL?? R u ?? No one in this fuckin' world is purrfect. So don't say you're beautiful,cuz it'll only make me regurgitate the ham and cheese sandwich i had for breakfast. It's my life u hear? so stay out , BITCH. manx...my granny's naggin incessantly... grrr... cuz i ponned sch todae... woke up late.... couldn get a cab downstairs... whoa like i waited 20 mins ... but all e empty cabs passed me by.... n all e occupied ones didn change their sign to "hired"... made me look like a FooL.... i m so dead *pulls hair*.... my chinese Prelims this coming Mondae... 6 more daez n i HAVE NOT TOUCHED A SINGLE PAGE of my handbook.... juz pray tt for e chinese 'O' levels i'll do well... gotta complete eng,geog,Moral Ed and math h/w.... i've become so lazy... mon i took cab ta sch... todae i wanted to take a cab...e bus takes too long... ZzZ.... my dad'll onli b back on Wed tts y i gotta go to sch myself.. how sPoilT. how Lazy. wanted to meet Dion at e bus stop outside YCK mrt b4 goin ta sch todae, but he doesn pass by there often... n he reaches sch like 7.20am... my sch sux... they start so bloody early... 7.15? bullshit lahz... start early, end late... tOrTurE... hope Mrs Kunna doesn screw me tmr... gotta type a letter of excuse..this time it's "diarrhoea"... or is "menstraul cramps" more realistic? dang...i'm sleepy*yaWnZz* cheerio. +cuzican'tthink +andican'teat +it's3inthemorning +andican'tevensleep +cuzi'malltiedupinyou +andidon'tknowwadtodo
Monday, April 05, 2004 my gosh... i tink its takin over me again..its e attack of infatuation... i'm fallin...i'm fallin...it's when ur tummy goes topsy turvy its when u feel like ur soarin thru e skies its when u feel u have wings to flutter like a fairy its when u feel warmth come over u when u see him itswhen u go pink when u talk to him its when his voice keeps resounding in ur head n when his face becomes e focus of ur mind's eye he is stuck in ur head u are stuck on him you cant wait to see him again u wish u could call him even though u're not supposed to u wish u cld tell him u wish u cld tell someone you wish he wld say tt he does too you dream.you fantasize. it's like a disease. feels uneasy. u're trapped. there's no cure. all u can do is wait. he's like a pill. u're addicted. when he's ard, u feel satisfied. when he's not ard, u get withdrawal symptoms. your heartbeat increases. u feel e heat rise. u get giddy spells. u give in. u fall. manx... lovin' is such pure bliss. dun u agree? go ahead... we all noe tt cute dude u've set ur eyes upon is absolutelaye lovelaye. +idunneedanyone.itsjuzalil'crush+ went to Parry's hse on sat.. watched passion.. so touching k.. like i cried so much haha.. now i noe y its m18.. its too gruesome 4 e weak hearted, too bloddy.. i cringe whenever i tink of e scourgings n stuff.. now i noe wad Jesus reali went thru to save e world.. haha e actor has beauutiful brown eyes.. he's quite gd lookin.. wth. did OHP in church on sun.. kinda scary.. like its so stressful! u gotta keep up w e singers n find e songs fr e thick fat file.. e whole church depends on u!! haha...saw belle n nikko!! *muah.. miss u guys... got ta noe Jeremy n Timothy.. they r sooo crappy... carry on laughing guys!! haha.. its gd medicine!! haha... Eunice was so sweet.. bought me Ritter sport cornflakes choc!! *wheeee.... cuz i lent her my dress 4 dinner this Fridae nite... sigh i cant go... nvm nx yr nx yr!! haha.... n guess wad happened to my choc? yesh!! jeremy, tim, hogan,sven, justin n Ray ate it all up!! during 3rd svc... pigs!! haha i was 2 kind to open it. BIG mistake.. haha! *kiddin* o manx... TZT is gonna change to sat.. grrr... dun tink i can go anymore... juzprayjuzpray... haha... i'm crapping too much manx... tc peepz... miss u all sweetiez*huGz* cheerio.
Friday, April 02, 2004 juz got back fr parents nite.. k i'm reali scared 4 me Os now!! must work hard must work hard! my teachers commented well on me to my dad.. good on u, sarah! heez* ... missed bible study.. so sad... i reali didn wanna go 4 parents nite. but cuz me stepmum aint in spore, my dad pulled me along. was so irritated.. butit turned out juz fine.. at least steph was w her parentz.. n ma teachers chatted my dad n i up.. heez i cant believe after this yr i'll b outta IJ TP. e place where e most interesting events in my life took place.my sec sch.. my beloved frenz. my beloved teachers hu r alwaez there 4 me. broken frenships. first bfs. first nite out. first clubbing experience. so many memories.. n after 2004, i have to move on. carry on w life in e cold scary ruthless world out there. its true. sec sch life is too sheltered.if life is difficult now, we aint seen nuthin out there yet manx...dads leavin 4 thailand in approx 10 hrs! -FREEDOM- beams** meetin HOWers tmr.. cant wait! this wkend, like all others, is gonna b very short. make e most of it. i mis all ma frenz. i miss my mum. .... sweet dreamz ppl. cheerio.*muah* wad a wae to start a FRIDAE.grrrrrrr... juz got to school.my dad drove me here, n we had this big argument.. AGAIN.wth? he confiscated my discman??? "u need to concentrate on ur studies first.show me ur results first.take it as a reward when u get it back" like wth???? its MY discman n it WUN affect studies?? helloz? like music helps u relax? calms ur nerves?? esp in times like these when u r soooo agitated! wad is my dad thinkin?? he loves confiscating things.. my hp, my SD card(wads e use of my digicam now) , my allowance... blah blah blah. so now, juz cuz i choked up $265 on my hp e last 2 mths, he's gonna deduct fr my allowance.heyz like u're supposed to give me $300 a mth?? now itz reduced to half?? wtf.wtf.wtf. i hate my dad.yes, i reali do. control freak a**h***. sori 4 e vulgarities, folkz.juz need ta vent out. i feel pathetic.dang. i guess when u have e cash, u call e shots. can u imagine? no matter how "good" we try to b, we gotta admit- money IS imp. gtg.cheerio.
Thursday, April 01, 2004 juz finished sch..waitin for dad to come n pick me...gotta go to e supermarket to get coco crunch,milo powder,cheese n ham.. all my fave goodies haha.. actuali my granny asked me to go.. so lazy..thnk god 4 my dad n his car...had a pretty bad dae again..my classmates..sigh.they dun understand e meaning of respect.e meaning of silence.e meaning of listen.manx.wish i had a gun.i'd shoot em all down..*bleagh*y m i being so saddistic? hurmmz...sumtimes i juz fall too deep into emotions.i mean,though i've crossed the river fr e murky side to the clear side, i miss those murky times somehow.emotions juz tend to crawl deep into ur skin.it hurts,sometimes.sometimes it hurts too much.i'm over it, but e pain lingers on.... i miss u so wad m i to do yes i miss u its sad but true i miss those dreamy eyes that replace e stars in e sky i miss those sensual lips we levitate to heaven when we kiss i miss u i dun noe wad to do yes i miss u n i havent got a clue e pain u caused left me w nothing but broken trust i'm disintegrating slowly fading into e air like dust i miss u so i jus cant let go yes i miss u i'm a fool for u reminiscing and thinkin wad could have been i've learnt my lesson love is a deadly sin yes i miss u moving on is hard to do yes i miss u i really do this is totallay stupid.but wad can i sae? i was such a fool .. for him. hope i can forgive myself. get out of it, Sarah. in class now.. itz recess n some bitch fr my class is speaking in e f-language..afraid i'll eavesdrop on her "interesting" scandals.. wth i have better things to do manx.. wad a bimbo.. i juz wun mention names lor.. sigh my mth test sucked.. o YAY!! i can go 4 HOWers gathering this sat! dad's gonna b in thailand.. busines.. i'll be havin FUN!! haha cant wait ta meet ma sweetiez n watch passion!! tmr nite is parents nite.. dad asked me to go w him to attend .. so boring. they're gonna tok bout o levels.. i'll go w him n miss Bible study .. sigh.. cuz my stepmum aint in town.. shes goin tahiland first then dads gonna join her on sat.. hee hee.. kk be back lata.. love ya'll!!!
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da babe .:Sarah Khor Xiuyi
+hot God.My Mummy.My 'Wai Po'.Frenz.JAY CHOU. -not MyDAD.hypocrites.jerks.bitches.rules&restrictions.
stash it a Panasonic Lumix or Cannon Ixus
records 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 rock on Alicia.
Becky.
Charis.
Cheryl Long.
Clara. holla holla
credits w4rnawarni : listen to the music designed by w4rnawarni @ blogskins |
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